The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize