Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
