Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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