I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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