I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
