ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
