I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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