ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize