in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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