Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
