paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize