At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Buhtt sex?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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