I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
