I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
