I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
it hurts more in the daytime
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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