Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
