woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
