If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
