Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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