hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
