her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
