awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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