i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
