Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
