dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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