he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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