your parents love me but you hate me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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