Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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