apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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