your parents love me but you hate me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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