My underwear smells like fireworks.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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