Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
