my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
