it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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