Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
