I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
