That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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