very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
