then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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