He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
