My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
