Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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