My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There's always time for handjobs
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
