WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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