I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
