At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
