She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
