Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
