This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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