A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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