people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We left the knife in your bed.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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