dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
