He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
