I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize