i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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