We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
