I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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