I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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