So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize