I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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