Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
