somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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