I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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