i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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