I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
