I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
