it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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