Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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