Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Please don't give away my fajitas
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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