i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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