I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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