This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
