Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
