So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
