Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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