All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Operation Purity has been aborted
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
