he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We have so much sex to catch up on
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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