I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
